(中文版在下面)
Joining the cryptocurrency wave? Here are ten reasons why coin speculation and drinking are exactly alike.
Caveats: i) Adapted from an article three year ago – life really is a cycle. ii) The writer has lost a tonne of cash on crap coins
1) Fools rush in. A little bit of excitement is normal, but often the people who will KO start drinking like it’s the last night of their life. Crypto trading is the same: everyone buys in a frenzy at the start. Got that new coin for the chemical industry? How about the one that is the future of the shipbuilding sector? Buy now! It will revolutionise everything! Does it even exist? WHO CARES! LET’S GET RICH.
2) Novelty things are best – In life, and partying, the shiny new object is always better. What is FAPcoin? How about GanjaCoin? TrumpCoin? InsaneCoin? DOGECOIN? (Actually successful). The variety is fun, wondrous almost. In cryptocurrencies, one also enjoys the novelty of it all, before the pain comes…
3) People talk shit. Everyone, myself included, love to talk a great deal of bullshit while drinking. How is that novel I’m writing? OH GREAT (actually on page one). Spend a bit of time buying on an exchange, and one is qualified to talk to anyone as the GURU – because everyone else, especially those pumping their ShitCoin – is an expert as well. “My STALLIONcoin will revolutionise the world of HORSE SPERM, buy it!”… OK (buys it).
4) Ups and downs are part of life. Go to bed and the portfolio is looking amazing. Wake up and it’s tanked. What goes up must come down. On night out – sometimes it’s an effortless blast, the drinks flow, the chat is boisterous – other times you are holding someone’s hair while they puke, standing in a pile of turds. That’s life.
5) Pain is a badge of honour. Losing money on cryptos is a necessary agony on the way to the final triumph. Indeed, most investors believe one day they will be sitting on a deck chair, tweaking their portfolio, drinking piña coladas, and making tons of cash. Every party person believes one day will be drinking Dom Perignon in Vegas and not Skol at 711.
6) The sickness comes at some point. That one Jager bomb too many – or the 10th tequila results in a CHUNDER. These types of afflictions may also come after extremes losses on a coin bought because of “XYZ” reason (but really as a result of greed). Keep going – live and learn (maybe)?
7) Resolve to continue. In desperation, hope remains. Drinkers puke and then keep drinking (good tactic sometimes!). “If I swap drinks to vodka pineapple then I’ll be in great shape.” YUP. With a mediocre coin portfolio, persist because cousin Greg is now a billionaire full-time surfing in Bali after he bought Bitcoin in 2012.
8) Regret sinks in. The queasiness is not unlike that nauseating feeling of witnessing a whole crypto portfolio nosedive. Maybe potential gains have been regulated out of existence by a government or financial body banning digital currencies just as profits come. OR finding out some coin that would change the future of [insert some disruption] is actually a scam.
9) Quitters never win. Sometimes on a night out, going home is not an option (RITALIN, try RITALIN). Now is the time to reflect on cryptocurrency trading – knowing that there is no saviour from bad choices. Persevere, and get away from the desolation of sickness, tiredness, lack of interest, or portfolio losses. That works, right? Right? (Crickets…).
10) Relief at the finish. You’ve made it! But there is little elation, just a sense of exoneration. The feeling is freedom from utter exhaustion, an emptiness away from the pain. If you have successfully cashed out, broke even, or even made some profit, good! Be grateful for life, and promise never to do it again.
The next morning, wake up and think: Now, let’s do it all again, shall we?
玩bitcoin同開P其實一撚樣
想埋堆玩 bitcoin？睇吓呢10個原因點解炒比特幣同飲酒係一樣啦！
先此聲明：一）文章係翻炒三年前——風水真係輪流轉㗎！二）筆者炒垃圾幣蝕咗好q多。
1）狗衝咗先算：hyper係人之常情，不過好多人一開始就隊到好似前世未飲過酒咁。玩bitcoin都係一樣，個個都盲舂舂咁狗衝去買。買咗化工原料嗰隻新貨幣未呀？造船業嗰隻明日之星呢？買咗先啦！邊行出新貨幣邊行就掂㗎啦！係咪真係有呢隻幣？是但啦！有錢唔通唔搵咩！
2）新嘢一定好：人生係咁，party亦如是，新嘅嘢總係吸引啲嘅。FAPcoin咩嚟㗎？GanjaCoin呢？TrumpCoin？InsaneCoin？DOGECOIN（呢隻真係賺嘅）？睇住一堆揀唔完嘅選擇係爽嘅，仲要係超爽嗰隻。炒bitcoin嘅通常一開始都係鍾意新鮮嘢嘅，不過真正嘅「好戲」其實係後頭……
3）隨口噏可以當秘笈：好多人，包括我，飲咗兩杯之後都鍾意發噏風。「你篇小說寫成點啊？」「進度OK吖！」（查實寫咗一頁）。啲人恃住自己玩過兩手，就開始扮大師「教路」。呢？係咁吹隻咩咩ShitCoin嗰啲呀，都係「專家」嚟㗎！「我隻STALLIONcoin超掂！投資馬精喎！買得過啊！買啦！」好呀。（轉頭真係買咗。）
4）人生有起就有跌：臨瞓嗰陣隻隻bitcoin仲好靚仔，一覺醒來就滿江紅。無他嘅，凡事有起就一定有跌。出嚟玩都一樣，有啲日子可以超級盡興，一杯接一杯，口水真係多過浪花；另外一啲日子，你可能要一路睇住人哋劏，一路幫佢拎住啲頭髮。人生啊。
5）痛苦乃成功之母：其實玩bitcoin嘅有邊個未蝕過吖？呢個世界總有一班投資者相信自己有朝一日會坐喺大班椅上面，一路飲住杯piña colada，一路執佢哋bitcoin個 portfolio，財源就一直滾滾來。同樣，個個出嚟玩嘅都相信自己有朝一日唔使喺7-11飲Skol，而係喺Vegas嘆番支Dom Perignon。
6）到咁上下就會頂唔順：臨劏之前嗰杯Jager bomb，又或者第10杯tequila——呢種「獲利回吐」同樣會喺炒bitcoin蝕到入晒肉嗰陣出現，都係因為衰「呢樣」同「嗰樣」囉（其實咪又係一個貪字！）。唔緊要，咪當交學費囉，「買一個，上一課」吖嘛（好似係）。
7）投資尚未成功，勇士仍需努力：好多人都係「不死身」上身，劏咗之後繼續飲（呢招間中真係work 㗎！）「轉返杯vodka pineapple就OK 㗎啦！」係㗎！睇吓呀表弟！佢2012年開始玩bitcoin，事事旦旦買幾隻弱雞貨幣就賺到第一桶金，而家喺峇里島日日滑浪啦！你唔係唔博呀嗎？
8）失敗過後嘅覺悟：飲大咗想嘔嗰種感覺，其實同見到啲bitcoin直插嘅感覺差唔多。有時候係因為啱啱到收錢嗰陣，政府或者金融機構突然間ban咗隻虛擬貨幣；而另一啲時候，就係發現嗰隻原本諗住［請自行填充行業］賺到笑嘅貨幣原來係個騙局。
9）唔好怯。怯，你就輸成世：出嚟玩，有時真係會唔捨得走（RITALIN！試下RITALIN吖！）。而炒bitcoin呢，你要知道蝕咗就係蝕咗，最緊要唔好俾少少失敗嚇窒自己。要堅持，唔好怯，將所有心痛、厭倦、蝕錢之類嘅感覺拋諸腦後，呢招真係掂㗎！你話係唔係？（……）
10）最後嘅解脫：終於大功告成啦！不過就冇乜興奮嘅感覺，只係覺得無奈，可能係唔需要再患得患失嘅一種解脫，係痛苦之中掙脫過後嘅空虛感。如果你成功攞返啲現錢，打個和，甚至乎有賺，good呀！多謝個天睇住你，跟住發誓以後唔再掂bitcoin。
第二朝一覺醒來，心入面突然有個諗法：「不如玩多鋪吖？」
Drunken master 